Manpon Craze Sweeps Kentucky

By: Jim Morrison
Unassociated Press

LEXINGTON, KY (UP) – Marketing professors at the University of Kentucky are at a loss to explain a local phenomenon that has taken the male athletes of this city by storm: The Manpon.

The Manpon is a simple, tampon-like device that men who engage in rough sports are using to treat bloody noses brought on by beatings from competing teams. It was invented by local entrepreneur, Jimbob Dean Sr., after he witnessed his wife suffer through an unusually “heavy flow” day.

“As I saw her go to throw that bloody mess away, I got myself to thinking.” Dean says. “My buddies are always getting knocked around on the field. We usually have to stop games when someone gets a bleeder. The nostril is just the right shape for something like my wife’s tampon, and if she can wear it all day and get the house work done, then we could wear it and play right through facial injuries.”

Mayor Frank Jones agrees. “Out-of-state teams have been commenting on Lexington’s highly increased endurance across all fields of sports. I really think Jimbob’s product has given us the advantage we needed to put Lexington at the top of sports charts across the nation.”

Jimbob Sr., or J-Bo as the locals call him, credits his son Jimbob Jr. with creating the marketing strategy that have made Manpons the hit of the city. “He thought up the name “Manpon” and also conceived and executed a top-notch viral marketing campaign by telling all of our relatives to buy the product”.

The Dean’s have 1,137 first cousins in Lexington alone, many of whom are married with an average number of 6 children. The marketing campaign created by Jimbob Jr. was so successful that it now outsells milk in many grocery stores in the area.

Dean Sr. believes that the next logical expansion for Manpons is convincing the Federal Government that they are a necessary part of everyday life, and that citizen’s on welfare should be able to purchase the product with their Food Stamps.

Jimbob Jr. gets excited as his father talks about his expansion plans. “Could you imagine how many Manpons we’d sell if we can tap into the Food Stamp market?” He asks with a big smile on his face. “That’s like a billion times more people than my cousins with money who are buying the product now.”

The ultimate fate of the Manpon depends on whether the marketing expertise of the Dean’s is capable of expanding the market outside of Lexington. Both father and son think that goal is achievable.

“Hell, we still got Uncle Jerry in Frankfurt with seven grown kids that we haven’t talked to yet.” Dean Jr. explains. “It’s only a matter of time.”